This week on Manzo'd With Children, Caroline and Chris engage in a matchmakers' war to find the perfect girl for Albie, while Lauren and Vito contemplate starting a family of their own. Read on for a full recap of all the hijinks and Manzo meddling...
We kick the episode off inside Albie Manzo's new Hoboken bachelor pad. Mama Caroline Manzo explains that her eldest child is nearing his 30th birthday and things seem to be going (mostly) well for him. He's got a new, grown-up apartment all to himself, he's building a new consulting business and yet, Albie still worries. Plus, in the words of every Italian mother ever, he's "too skinny," which worries his mother. Albie insists in his confessional that he's finally taking control of his life, but Caroline's solution to his problems is simple: chill out, relax and maybe get married.
Back at the Manzo house, Vito Scalia seems to finally be feeling right at home - much to wife Lauren Manzo's dismay. Lauren reminds him that they decided to live with her parents after getting married as an excuse to save money for a house, not to get comfortable and stay a while. However, this plan seems to have blown up in Lauren's face because the last thing Vito wants to do now is move away from the comforts of his in-laws' family abode. Besides, houses are too pricey for the young couple to afford right now, Vito argues as one of Lauren's Chanel bags comes into focus over his shoulder...Yet, if the newlyweds are going to start trying for a baby soon, it may be a good idea to get out from under her parents' roof.
Meanwhile, Chris Manzo is doing more research for his second children's book and has enlisted Caroline for a lesson at an archery range. (The youngest Manzo refuses to tell anyone what the book is about, but I suspect his "research" may just be an excuse to get his family doing as many nonsensical things throughout the season as possible.) Naturally, the archery lesson quickly devolves into a friendly competition between mother and son, and right before she hits a bullseye, Caroline opines that maybe she can finally get Albie a girl with the help of a poisoned dart. Imagine that, Caroline Manzo as a poisonous Cupid! Chris argues that his older brother doesn't know what he likes in a girl, but the way Caroline sees it, Albie simply doesn't know what's best for him. With that, a secret wager is formed: Caroline and Chris are going head-to-head to see who can find the best match for Al.
The next day, Caroline's busy pursuing her new soap-making hobby with Walter White-style paraphernalia strewn about the kitchen while Lauren gets a surprise package over at her new salon. To the utter dismay of her older cousin Candice, Lauren has ordered what is essentially a baby-making kit containing dozens of pregnancy tests, dietary supplements to "support egg quality" and "promote cervical mucus" and a disturbingly large vaginal thermometer that will even text Vito on the best day to procreate. What?? For now, Lauren's keeping this a total secret from the rest of her family, and vows to make the pregnancy a giant surprise when/if it actually happens.
For her side of the matchmaking bet, Caroline's chosen to stake out a local grocery store with Lauren's mother-in-law Denise Scalia. After lamenting over the price of baby food, the two Italian mothers take to hunting down girls at the fish counter for Albie. (Don't worry, Denise thinks Albie's too skinny too.) Caroline is absolutely fearless when it comes to approaching any girl who could remotely be her future daughter-in-law, flashing pictures of Albie and taking down phone numbers left and right.
Eventually, word reaches Albie of his family's meddling and he promptly summons his mom and brother to an emergency meeting. Even before he opens his mouth, Caroline and Chris can tell Albie is less-than-pleased and he informs them that Vito's mom let slip their matchmaking adventure and the grocery store. The oldest Manzo reminds his mother and brother that he's on the verge of turning 30. He's already well aware of that gnawing feeling in his gut that it's past time to settle down, and doesn't need any help from anyone in his family. Hilariously, Chris argues that the bet didn't actually have anything to do with Albie himself - it was Chris and Caroline trying to see who knew him best. However, Albie's decided that his family's constant meddling in his personal life is actually slowing the process down rather than helping speed it up. From here on, Albie simply wants to be left alone to make his own choices when it comes to dating, though Chris wins the last word by inquiring how his older brother might feel about girls who shoot bows and arrows at bears...
What did you think of this week's Manzo'd? Is it time for Albie to settle down? Is the Manzo family's meddling helping or hurting his cause? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!