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Spinoffs & Other Shows

Recaps, opinion pieces and analysis of Bravo TV shows including Don't Be Tardy, Manzo'd With Children, Ladies of London, Tour Group, Shahs of Sunset and Southern Charm.

Don't Be Tardy Ssn 5/Ep 2 - Free Ballin'

Glenn Rowley

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This week on Don't Be Tardy, Kim Zolciak-Biermann is forced to confront the possibility of moving her family to a new city when Kroy finds himself back in free agency with the NFL. Plus, Brielle starts working as her mom's newest assistant and Ariana digs her heels in at the thought of starting high school in a brand new place. Read on for a full recap of all this week's hijinks and family drama...

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After spending one more season with the Atlanta Falcons, Kroy Biermann is officially back on the NFL market as a free agent. Which means the family might once again be facing the decision to move. Last year, the Falcons renewed Kroy's contract for another season, but this time around it's looking like that won't happen twice. So, Kroy and Kim set up a meeting with his agent Buddy Baker to discuss their options. Kim still doesn't even understand how to play the game, but she has a definitive list of places to which she's willing to relocate. It's a short list that basically only includes three cities: Tampa, Miami or New York City. Anywhere even remotely rural, like Green Bay or Buffalo (uh oh) are out of the question. However, if it means she can have baby Kreed, Kim can be persuaded to move to any of the 31 other cities with teams in the NFL. Now it's just a question of which athletic program will value Kroy the most and where he'll be the best fit.

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Meanwhile, Brielle Biermann has officially become her mom's newest assistant. As a way to justify her parents paying her room, board and 95 percent of her other bills, the 19-year-old is tasked with running errands and getting Starbucks for Kim on a daily basis. When Brielle hears that the family might be moving, her response is that she'll gladly stay behind in Atlanta and take care of the family estate. However, both Kroy and Kim wisely point out that their oldest child is barely capable of taking care of her fake eyelashes much less an entire house, so where the family goes, Brielle goes too. She may think she's an adult, but ask her to explain the definitions of "quantify" and "layman's terms" and it's a lost cause...

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Also not down with the idea is 14-year-old Ariana Biermann, who balks at her older sister's suggestion that they may be moving to another city just in time for the former to start high school. In the sisterly chat, Brielle hilariously points out that the move wouldn't be forever. Ariana could actually have a double life: be the goody-two-shoes she is in Atlanta and turn into a Hannah Montana-style whore for the other five months of the year in an undisclosed location. Even the sensible Biermann sister, Ariana points out that she won't be living the "best of both worlds" if the family moves. Besides, doesn't Brielle realize how many old people live in Tampa?

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Later, Kim's busy at work on Kashmere, her new skincare line, with the help of her virtual assistant Ryan. (Don't worry, Ryan is a real person, Kim just hasn't ever met him in real life because he lives on the other side of the country.) The more pressing issue, however, is that Kim may need Ryan to find her a new assistant because Brielle is just not cutting it. Instead of running errands and actually doing her job, Kim's oldest child is spending her time goofing off with Tracey Bloom, the family's chef, and filming their viral Snapchat sensation "Kitchen Conversations." Plus, Brielle seems to be kind of terrible at her new job, ordering too many meals at Chik-fil-A and running over the grass in the front yard with her giant Jeep. Poor Brielle's short-lived career as an assistant may be over before it even gotten off the ground. Now where's Gloria from season?

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Finally, Kim and Kroy decide to broach the subject of moving with Ariana as she dutifully does homework in anticipation of her middle school formal. Rather bluntly, the Biermanns' second child informs them that she has no interest in moving just as she starts high school. Even if six months ago she was begging Kroy to leave the Falcons, Ariana's changed her tune now. She likes the friends she has and isn't too keen on the idea of having to make new ones, thank you very much. However, when push comes to shove, Ariana claims that she'll have to be fine with a hypothetical move in the future - even if she admits in her confessional that she's just telling her parents what they want to hear. It's better than the alternative of having Kim take her by the hand to school and sit with her in class until she meets new friends. Oh the horror!

What did you think of this week's Don't Be Tardy? Where would you want to see Kroy play next season? Could Kim survive in Wisconsin? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!