Shahs of Sunset is back for Season 5 and the lives of my favorite Persians seem to be more dramatic than ever! Since Season 4 was halfway finished when I launched THG last year, I figured it was too late to start writing about it. But I love me some Shahs, and couldn't be more excited to finally be recapping all their Persian antics this year. Whatchu know about gold??
The premiere kicks off with a seemingly lonely Reza Farahan in bed. After ditching his fiancee at the altar last season, you'd think his life would be in shambles, but surprise! Adam Neely and his perfect beard stuck around. After coming back from Thailand, the couple committed to working on their relationship, and (thanks to lots of therapy) things seem to be back on track. They've even improved things in the seduction department, which apparently involves Adam doing things other than laying spread eagle on the bed after a shower. Now if only Reza can get him to stop using two forks at breakfast...Now that things are better with Adam, the Persian king bee's to-do list is short and sweet: get married, build a house and have fun with friends and family. Oh, and have sex and buy gold.
Another Shah with a man in her life these days is Mercedes "MJ" Javid. She met her boyfriend Tommy the modern old-fashioned way, on Tinder! At first glance, Tommy seems like a bit of a strange pick for MJ, what with his Brooklyn accent and slight beer belly, but I'm not even in a relationship so what do I know? MJ informs us via confessional that on the couple's first date, Tommy arrived with a giant erection protruding from his shorts. Yikes. If that initial impression didn't make her run the other direction and he can handle watching her go through her 20+-year shoe collection, maybe they're a match made in heaven.
Also basking in the glow of love are newlyweds Mike Shouhed and Jessica Parido, who are still in the honeymoon phase after four months of marriage. It's awfully weird watching this scene knowing that they're already divorced, and we're in for a rocky road as we watch their relationship inevitably crumble. After their couples' workout, Mike mentions that the Shahs will all be getting together for new cast member Shervin Roohparvar's birthday party and he's RSVP'd for them to go. Since last season, Mike has spent minimal time around his former friends, but feels ready to start reconnecting with them. Jessica, on the other hand, has very different feelings about Mike's group of friends, but promises to give them another chance if it's what Mike wants.
Meanwhile, Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi stops by Asa Soltan Rahmati's house for a poolside chat. Since last season, Asa has launched a new startup company, Asa Kaftans, selling her glamorous, exotic kaftan designs to the masses, while GG has been struggling with her worsening rheumatoid arthritis. Diagnosed five years ago, the disease is now affecting 32 joints in her body, and she even got surgery to remove tissue from around the tendons in her fingers. Being in so much pain, GG has taken to isolating herself from the group to keep from lashing out and admits that some mornings she wakes up and immediately wants to start drinking. Asa points out that the real test for GG will be at Shervin's birthday party when she comes face-to-face with Mike and Jessica for the first time since their bitter feud last season.
After a scene of Mike and Jessica reminiscing about their outrageously expensive, over-the-top wedding, Asa and Reza go shopping at Jonathan Adler for the latter's newly-renovated house in Palm Springs. While debating over giant lucite chairs, Reza reveals that he's 100 percent ready to marry Adam - this time for real! - and asks Asa if she will officiate the wedding. The Persian Pop Priestess is blown away by this gesture and Reza informs her that he wants to throw Adam a surprise flash wedding in Palm Springs. Reza thinks this is a genius idea after the long road its taken for he and Adam to get to the altar, but I don't know how I would feel if my boyfriend decided to spring a wedding on me out of nowhere...
Next we finally meet Shervin, and damn the man is beautiful. Sherv made recurring, often shirtless appearances last season, but boy am I glad Bravo decided to switch Asifa Mirza out for him. Out of everyone in the group, Shervin is closest to GG, who calls their relationship a brother-sister type of bond. To celebrate his 35th birthday, Shervin is throwing a white party on a yacht in San Diego to give the Shahs some quasi-San Tropez realness for a night. As he struggles to take his very fitted white shirt off, GG jokes that people ask her all the time if he's gay, and now I've officially got my hopes up. Hey, a boy can dream, can't he?
After multiple outfit changes, the entire crew gets decked out in white and descends on San Diego for Shervin's party. Mike's in a captain's hat, Reza is dressed like a Persian oil baron and even a demoted Asifa is there, but the birthday boy is nowhere to be seen. As the yacht leaves the marina, Mike points out in his confessional that seeing his old friends isn't as awkward as he expected it to be, but everyone is wondering where Shervin is. Next thing we know, the gang notices a helicopter in the distance and all of a sudden the birthday boy is making his grand entrance by landing the chopper on the boat with GG on his arm. Talk about a badass way to steal the spotlight! Mike and GG share an awkward but polite hello, and GG explains in her confessional that all she wants to do is move forward. Mike also recognizes that some things need to be worked out between him and his friends, but opts to get the party started instead of rehashing any of last season's drama.
Meanwhile, GG and Mike's wife Jessica spend the majority of the party attempting to avoid each other. Determined to broker a peace treaty between the two, Shervin pulls GG aside and asks her to make up with Jessica as a birthday gift to him. Somewhat trepidatiously, GG takes Jessica down to the boat's lower deck to sit down face-to-face privately. Jessica maintains that she was completely caught off guard by GG's allegations last year that Mike tried to hook up with her in Turkey, and is still confused how she got painted as the bad guy in the situation. GG admits she was lacking in self-control that day and finally apologizes to Jessica, saying that she never meant to hurt her in any way. After all, GG's problems were with Mike long before there was ever an engagement ring on Jessica's finger. After a year a bitter fighting, the pair finally seem to be making some headway when Reza and Asa interrupt the conversation and the heart-to-heart gets promptly shut down.
Once the sun sets, the party kicks into high gear and the drinks start flowing. The gang toasts to Sherv's birthday and Reza gives a heartwarming speech about how happy he is that "his people" are finally all back together. Feeling the moment, Reza digs into the birthday cake and starts throwing it at his fellow Shahs, which prompts Asifa to throw a tantrum when raspberry filling gets on her $3000 dress. However, the situation escalates when a clearly inebriated GG throws a second piece at Asifa and their argument turns into a near-fistfight. No one ever puts their hands on Lochnessa, OK? As the boat docks, all of the Shahs comment on GG's drunken aggression - clearly there's something going on with her and it doesn't look good. If she hasn't hit rock bottom yet, she's definitely headed in that direction.
What did you think of the Shahs premiere? Are you happy our favorite Persians are back in action? Leave your comments below and hit the Share button to share this recap on social media!