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Spinoffs & Other Shows

Recaps, opinion pieces and analysis of Bravo TV shows including Don't Be Tardy, Manzo'd With Children, Ladies of London, Tour Group, Shahs of Sunset and Southern Charm.

Don't Be Tardy Ssn 4/Ep 4 - The Love Gurus

Glenn Rowley

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After last week's repeat that served as a Biermann/Manzo crossover, Don't Be Tardy is finally back with a new episode! I don't know about you, but I definitely missed my dose of comedy from the mouth of Kim. Hopefully there won't be any more interruptions in the programming schedule. Hear that Bravo? No more repeats, please! This week starts with Ariana playing with KJ and Kash in their fort, which is basically any little boy's dream playhouse. According to Ariana, she's very put-upon for a 13-year-old. She's always the older sister who's watching the kids; Brielle only uses her younger siblings for selfies before sending them back to her sister. On top of that, like any teenager, Ariana thinks her mom and dad are too strict. According to her, they barely let her leave the house! Ariana is fed up with it and announces to her brothers that she plans on getting emancipated once she turns 16. 

In the kitchen, Kroy and Kim - rocking bright red lipstick, a turtleneck and high-wasted jeans - are talking to Chef Tracey about her love life while she makes some delicious-looking mac and cheese. Apparently Tracey's been failing in the relationship department lately: when Brooklyn, her girlfriend of 10+ years, got back from a trip to Israel, Tracey didn't even see her walk by because she was busy with a game of Bejeweled on her phone. Then, when Brooklyn threw a euthanasia party for her dying cat, she felt Tracey wasn't being supportive because she was playing a game on her phone...again. Kim and Kroy are sure they have all the answers to solve Tracey's relationship problems, but in all the time the chef has worked for them, they've never met the infamous Brooklyn. As Kim wraps her arms around Kroy, Tracey declares the lovebirds officially sickening. Who can live up to that kind of lovey-dovey power couple?

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The next day, Kim and Kroy are back in the kitchen discussing Brielle's impending high school graduation. They haven't even thought about sending out graduation announcements, which is more than fine with Kim. The last thing she wants to do is celebrate Brielle growing up and moving out. Kroy insists they throw some kind of party, and Kim comes up with the idea of a carnival theme - complete with "f***ed up clowns" courtesy of Tracey. Apparently the chef knows some carnies because Brooklyn once ran away with a traveling carnival. Kim needs to get to the bottom of all these crazy stories and suggests the pair go on a double date with she and Kroy. That way, the Biermanns can see how Tracey and Brooklyn interact. Most of all, after all this time Kim just wants to know if Brooklyn actually exists. Meanwhile, Jet the dog wanders in and his red willy is yet again out in plain view. To solve the problem, Tracey decides to pick Jet up and blow on it. Hey look, it's Tracey's first blowjob!

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Later, the family is gathered in the game room teaching Kash and KJ how to play air hockey. Kroy challenges Ariana to a game of foosball, and she decides it's the time to announce her intention to be emancipated when she turns 16 in three years' time. Kim doesn't think Ariana even knows what the word emancipation means and says the teenager's talk is cheap. Ariana thinks Kim and Kroy are just a couple of old losers, but Kroy says they're obviously the coolest parents ever. I would tend to agree with the latter assessment. In her interview, Kim explains that Ariana is somewhat of the golden child in the family, but she's growing up too quickly and Kim wants her to stay a kid as long as possible. She predicts that the only way Ariana would say something so ludicrous is because she wants to talk to boys - a hard and fast no-no for thirteen year olds under the Biermann roof. Kroy tells Ariana that he worries she's too mature and that her rules will be different than the ones that had been established for Brielle, but he's not opposed to letting her have freedoms as long as she behaves. However, Ariana will be stuck with them. After all, she can't drive and there's no way Kroy will be driving her to go get emancipated. PS where is Brielle in this entire episode? Did she go on another spring break without the cameras?

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The day for the double date has arrived, and Kim's striped two-piece outfit is Tracey-approved. Kim asks if Brooklyn is going to be shy on the date, and Tracey admits she's not sure which of Brooklyn's characters is going to show up. Huh? Apparently, she role plays during the day, in real life, and has about five different characters she cycles through. Tracey gets in on the fun too: she's played Dr. Patel, cult leader David Koresh, a swim coach and even a clown. No one wants to have sexy time with a clown, Tracey, with those big shoes above your head. Kim thinks this whole thing is just weird, and questions again whether Brooklyn even exists. Don't worry, Tracey says, someone will show up. 

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Kim and Kroy arrive to the restaurant first, of course Tracey's late even though she just left the same house they did. In the meantime, Kim notices the restaurant's perfect lighting and it's selfie time. Eventually, Tracey shows up with Brooklyn in tow and she looks surprisingly...normal. Quirky but with cute hair, a cute dress, all around adorable. She greets Kim with a hug and Kim's already sold on her, declaring her the "cutest ever." Cheers to finally meeting Brooklyn!

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Tracey's brought games to the date, and suggests the foursome play the newlywed game to determine which couple knows each other better. First question: what's your partner's all-time favorite movie? Tracey guesses Brooklyn's is Practical Magic, and gets it right! Kroy on the other hand thinks Kim's favorite movie is Breakfast at Tiffany's. Kim claims she's never even heard of that movie (really?) and that her favorite movies are The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles, neither of which Kroy has heard of either. At least he was on the right track with the breakfast theme. Tracey and Brooklyn: 1, Kim and Kroy: 0. Next question: if the four of them were stranded on a desert island, who would you eat first? Kim says she would eat Tracey, which Kroy can't even believe. Kim says she would never eat him though, even though he offers to give her "an arm or something." Brooklyn proclaims that she would eat Kim first and Tracey guesses right again! After all, Kim would be the least amount of help on the island. To Kim's happy surprise, the double date was a lot more fun, relaxing and normal than she expected it to be. Tracey and Brooklyn clearly love each other and Kim's mind is now at ease over the mystery of her chef's role-playing girlfriend.

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The next evening, Kim and Kroy go on a romantic walk with the dog, complete with wine and beer. They still can't believe the whole emancipation issue Ariana brought up. However, Kim points out in her interview that each one of the kids is different and will present different challenges to the couple, but there's nothing that could possibly come up that Kim and Kroy can't parent through together. Kim says she wishes everyone could have a relationship like she and Kroy have. Kim's theory: if Kroy helps load the dishwasher and get the kids ready for bed, she wants to have sex with him because he helped out. Kroy agrees that the pair speak each other's language and that the key to a good relationship is to make taking care of your partner's needs second nature to you. If Kroy loves blowjobs, then it becomes second nature to Kim to give him one. If Kim loves ravioli, Kroy will make them for her. They both agree that there's no reason you can't have a great relationship if you put the effort in. These two really do set a good example for people watching the show about how to care for and love your partner, and now all I want to do is go find the Kroy in my life. Till next week, Kim and Kroy lovers!