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Real Housewives

RHONY S9/Ep 13 Recap - A Bronx Tale

Glenn Rowley

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This week on The Real Housewives of New York City, Dorinda and Sonja face off over lunch in the Bronx to hilariously epic results. Plus, Bethenny takes all the 'Wives on a ski trip to Vermont, where Tinsley finds herself backed into a corner defending her life choices. Read on for a full recap of all the drama, confrontations and CLIP!-able moments...

And now for something completely different! In an effort to get the 'Wives out of their Upper East Side comfort zones, Bethenny Frankel organizes a lunch at Zero Otto Nove, the best Italian restaurant in the Bronx. (Fun fact from a New Yorker: the real Little Italy is the Bronx's Arthur Ave. Go check it out.) All of the women are invited other than Ramona Singer, for obvious reasons, and while a broad like Dorinda Medley fits right in to the restaurant's authentic wiseguy vibe, poor Tinsley Mortimer sticks out like a sore thumb in her black leggings, Mary Janes and prissy blonde curls. As the wine starts flowing, Bethenny proposes a ski trip to Vermont and all of the ladies jump at the chance, but everyone's thinking the same question: will Ramona be left out of the trip too?

Clearly the "salty broad" vibe of the Bronx starts rubbing off on the women because off-hand mention of Sonja Morgan's ill-fated Prosecco brand, Tipsy Girl, sets off the most hilarious fight of the season. First, Sonja claims that both Ramona and Dorinda wanted to get in on Tipsy Girl before she was approached by her BFF's former business partner, Peter Guimaraes. (You know, the guy Ramona went into business with on AOA Bar and Grill back in Season 7.) Dorinda shuts down this accusation, vehemently denying she ever wanted to be part of Tipsy Girl despite Peter reaching out to her multiple times. Sonja fires back that Dorinda's boyfriend John Mahdessian told Peter that Dorinda wanted to be involved with the brand and has the texts to prove it. Naturally, this sends Dorinda on a delightfully slurry rampage, insisting she would rather "chew [her] left leg off than be part of Tipsy Girl" and that her boyfriend can say whatever he wants because John Mahdessian does not speak for Dorinda Medley. 

As the entire restaurant looks on in a combination of amusement and utter confusion, Sonja pushes the issue just a little too far and sends Dorinda over the edge. Next thing we know, Dorinda's arms are flailing in classic form as she warns her frenemy to "back that s**t up" and invents a brand new way of telling Sonja to "shut the f**k up" in the form of screaming "CLIP! CLIP! CLIP!" across the table before she storms out of the restaurant. I kid you not, this may be the most hilarious thing the gangster Housewife has ever done. As Carole Radziwill points out with glee, "when Dorinda's bad, she's just so good."  

Honestly, nothing in the rest of the episode can come ever remotely close to topping the CLIP! CLIP! moment and we're only 25 percent of the way in. But let's move on, shall we? It's the Italian way. 

  • On their way out of the restaurant, an old Italian man at another table tells Carole Radziwill she looks like Melania Trump, which is just about the worst thing you can say to the diehard Hillary supporter of the group who broke down in tears at her own election party.
  • Tinsley cries through a session with her therapist, admitting she can't sleep and drinks too much red wine to cope with the trauma of the abusive relationship that led to her arrest.
  • Sonja manages to offend Luann D'Agostino over lunch at Sant Andrea Cafe by crudely pointing out that they've both had sex with the Countess's now-husband, Tom D'Agostino. 
  • Ramona manages to score an invite to the ski trip, but not before condescendingly reminding Lu and Sonja that she "only skis Aspen." 

Later, the women head to Stratton, Vermont, where Bethenny has rented a massive log cabin-style ski chalet. Before arriving, Ramona attempts once again to make amends with Bethenny, this time over text, but the Skinnygirl isn't budging. She can be civil, but she's not letting the Singer Stinger back into her life. Meanwhile, Dorinda's the first to arrive after Bethenny and Carole, and hilariously realizes she forgot to stop and pick up her luggage before driving to Vermont (on account of being distracted by pre-trip sex with John). 

As always, the usual race for the best room kicks off once Ramona, Sonja and Tinsley arrive - but not before Ramona refuses to drink any Skinnygirl wine. Ramonja throw a tantrum that Dorinda got the biggest room and after nine seasons, the pair's act is getting tired. It's not cute; it's not funny; it's not a good look. Honestly. However, in a surprising turn, Luann hops on the bandwagon by complaining that no one thought to save her a nicer room since she just got married. Excuse me? Is the Countess serious? Sorry there isn't a honeymoon suite reserved for you, darling.

Over dinner on the first night, Bethenny announces that last season's cancelled Mexico trip is back on! Tequila, here we come! Conversation turns to Tinsley's dating life, which Sonja is quick to criticize by claiming it's not a good look to a boyfriend if you're living in your friend's townhouse. Suddenly, everyone seems to have an opinion about the choices Tinsley and her Lauren Conrad sidebraid are making for her life and the socialite starts feeling ganged up on by her new friends. Without warning, Tins starts to spiral and as her voice gets higher and higher, she demands that the other women "give [her] a goddamn second" to get over the trauma that's haunting her from Palm Beach. Ever observant, Carole points out via confessional that the newbie seems to live in a pattern of being put in situations where she's psychologically infantilized or controlled - first by her ex-boyfriend, now by living with Sonja - and as I watch Tinsley's tableside meltdown I'm starting think she's been through more than any of us possibly fathom.

What did you think of this week's RHONY? Can Dorinda get any more amazing? Is the ski trip off to a good start? Is Tinsley being controlled by Sonja? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!