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Real Housewives

RHOD Ssn 1/Ep 9 - Killing Time in Austin

Glenn Rowley

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The Real Housewives of Dallas head to Austin, Texas for their first-ever cast trip, but the weekend getaway takes the darkest turn imaginable when Marie experiences the wrath of LeeAnne over a humiliating betrayal and the women clash over death threats and the definition of the word "kill." Was this the most terrifying vacation in Housewives history? Read on for my full recap of the drama from the lake house turned slaughterhouse...

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Naturally, the prerequisite for any girls trip on Bravo is a good ol' Housewives packing montage. The ladies are headed to the lake house in Austin, Texas that Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman's husbands built together on the shores of Lake Travis. The two besties are anxious to host their cast mates, but the rest of the 'Wives aren't quite sure what to think. LeeAnne Locken and Tiffany Hendra are simply hoping the lake house isn't a dump, while Cary Deuber's husband Mark is making her promise not to start any issues on the trip where they don't exist. Any bets on how long that promise will hold out?

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All the 'Wives arrive bright and early at The Rustic to board the party bus to Austin. Friend of the Housewives Marie Reyes and Cary's friend Courtney Westmoreland Rider, a statuesque, quiet blonde, also scored invites to the weekend getaway. For the first couple of hours, the drive to Austin goes smoothly as the alcohol starts flowing and empanadas get passed around the bus. However, everything starts going downhill when Brandi has to urinate and can't wait until they reach their destination. As Tiffany says, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go, right? Brandi decides that the most logical solution to this conundrum is to pee in a red solo cup in the back of the bus as Cary shields her with a blanket. When LeeAnne finds this disgusting, Brandi and Stephanie joke that peeing in a cup doesn't compare to the story they heard about the queen bee "sh***ing in a bag in the back of a car." (Remember, they got this nasty piece of gossip during Marie's cocktail party way back in Episode 4.) According to the two BFFs, they were told by Taylor Garrett, a reality TV alum from Logo's A:List Dallas, who apparently heard the story from Marie. Oh boy...from the look on LeeAnne's face, this isn't go to go well.

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Arriving at the Hollman/Redmonds' shared lake house, the rest of the women are blown away by how spacious and nice it is - especially when Stephanie and Brandi explain that Travis and Bryan built the house themselves. However, LeeAnne is starting to boil inside about the poop story and confronts Marie about it. Marie denies spilling the secret to anybody - especially Taylor - and even offers to take a polygraph test to prove she's telling the truth. According to LeeAnne, though, only three people were present when the embarrassing story took place 13 years ago: herself, Tiffany and Marie. And she knows it didn't come from Tiffany, so that only leaves Marie as the guilty gossip. However, I can't help but be frustrated that of course the major drama on the cast trip is about poop. Because apparently on RHOD, the women have to reference fecal matter at least once per episode. I honestly can't with the constant poop talk anymore.

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While a private chef cooks dinner for the women, Brandi bonds with Tiffany and LeeAnne over goblets of wine. The former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader thanks Tiffany again for her husband Aaron's song dedication to her veteran brother suffering from PTSD at the charity concert in Episode 7. Opening up that her brother checked back into the hospital the day before, Brandi breaks down in tears and the other 'Wives finally seize an opportunity to be truly vulnerable and bond with her. Just like that, it seems like everyone is finally starting to get along on this girls trip.

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Dinner is served and the Jesus juice starts flowing at maximum capacity. Before we know it, Brandi is three sheets to the wind, drunk as a skunk, wasted out of her mind. Quiet Courtney asks the women whom they would want to have at their perfect dinner party and once the 'Wives debate the merits of feeding either Bono or Mother Teresa, LeeAnne turns the conversation to why she finds it so hard to trust people. Citing her chaotic childhood and being abandoned by her mother, the queen bee explains that she's always had a difficult time letting anyone get close to her - even her BFF Tiffany had to claw tooth and nail to prove she wouldn't abandon her. Cary finds some common ground in this story, piggybacking on to explain that she's surprisingly similar to LeeAnne when it comes to letting people in. Maybe this is why the two have spent the majority of the season butting heads? To lighten the mood, an extremely inebriated Brandi decides to show off her tumbling skills by performing a bikini-clad backwards somersault on the dining room table. Now that is one way to end a Housewives dinner party, y'all.

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By the next morning, everything has taken a shockingly dark turn. Via confessional, several of the 'Wives explain that they were awoken in the middle of the night to the sounds of an enraged LeeAnne arguing with Marie over the poop story. And when they say enraged, they mean screaming-at-the-top-of-her-lungs, roaring-throughout-the-house levels of anger. After stewing about the betrayal all day, LeeAnne finally exploded after cameras went down and the Bravo crew left for the evening - threatening to "slaughter" Marie and "gut [her] carny-style." Meanwhile, the rest of the 'Wives cowered in fear in their rooms, with Brandi and Stephanie apparently sobbing in bed as they clung to each other in pure terror. Thankfully, Cary caught a portion of the terrifying exchange on her phone - in the clip, we hear LeeAnne screaming "s--- like this? You don't want that side of me!" presumably at Marie. Otherwise, the entire frightening ordeal would simply be hearsay without a shred of proof.

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Now, an overwhelmed Marie is cowering in fear at the dining room table as Tiffany tries to convince LeeAnne to approach her and the other women whisper about the previous night's confrontation upstairs. While Marie looks likes she's ready to burst into tears, LeeAnne and Tiffany enter the kitchen to address the tension. Marie refuses to talk to LeeAnne unless the former carny kid is calm, and LeeAnne counters that the only reason she's "agitated" is because she feels so massively betrayed by her friend of nearly 20 years for spreading such a humiliating story about her. Tiffany points out that there's no other way Taylor could've known the anecdote about LeeAnne, yet Marie continues to deny telling the gay gossip anything. Marie is still horrified that LeeAnne threatened her life in during the verbal attack, but a fed up LeeAnne shoots back that what her friend thinks of as "killing" and what she thinks of as "killing" are two different things. The queen bee also argues that when she dramatically said she would "gut" Marie, she merely meant she would cut her out of her life.

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Inevitably, the other women intrude on the conversation, with Cary specifically asking Marie what "kill" means to her when it's directed as a threat. Clearly still afraid, the Friend of the Housewives simply mutters that the word means that LeeAnne was extremely upset. Cary accuses her of dodging the question, but the most she can get out of Marie is an admission that the word was used as a threat to her safety. Stephanie adds that due her previous career as a social worker, she would categorize LeeAnne's attack on Marie as "beyond abusive." Feeling guilty for her verbal outburst, LeeAnne tries to offer a blanket apology to everyone in the room, but none of the other women are letting the threats get swept under the rug. In her confessional, Tiffany defends her bestie, explaining that she can't understand why LeeAnne is being so quickly condemned while Marie gets away with her betrayal by looking like a veritable saint. However, my biggest question is this: if all the other women were so scared for Marie's well-being, WHY DIDN'T ANYONE DO ANYTHING? If you honestly think your friend is in danger, you call 911 or step in and do something, not just hide in bed crying.

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Since there's still an entire day left, the trip must somehow go on in spite of the disturbing drama and the 'Wives attempt to awkwardly move forward with their plans. Pulling LeeAnne aside, Brandi sympathizes with her former nemesis for feeling betrayed and even persuades her not to leave the trip early. Somewhat inexplicably, the ladies divide into two cars (guess who's in which) and head to the Four Seasons for a supposedly relaxing afternoon of spa treatments. While the other girls hit the spa, Marie and LeeAnne stay behind in their room with Tiffany to mediate. Marie remains traumatized by the entire ordeal and breaks down in sobs as she asks why LeeAnne always has to lash out when she's hurting. LeeAnne's still visibly fuming from the discovery that she was betrayed, but as Stephanie, Brandi, Cary and Courtney commiserate over how unhealthy her close friendships seem to be, the queen bee manages to establish a fragile peace with Marie that ends in a tearful hug.

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That night, the women get dressed up and head to Bob's Steak and Chops for a group dinner to celebrate Cary, LeeAnne and Marie's upcoming birthdays. However, by this point LeeAnne has shut down and gone into complete survival mode - barely speaking as she picks her way through a salad. A frustrated Cary calls her out on not wanting to be there and it opens up a whole new can of worms regarding the season-long tensions between the two women over who's judging whom. In an effort to defend her best friend, Tiffany (who's rocking an awesome half-bun topknot), speaks to the fact that LeeAnne is constantly being judged and attacked by the other women for putting herself out there. Stephanie fires back that nearly everyone in the cast has been attacked by LeeAnne by this point, but Tiffany urges the other girls to try putting themselves in LeeAnne's shoes for a minute. Fed up with Tiffany constantly making excuses for her bestie, Brandi accuses both her and Marie of enabling LeeAnne's behavior and storms off to the bathroom. 

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Of course, Stephanie is quick to follow after her BFF, but not before calling Tiffany out for giving LeeAnne positive reinforcement to lash out at people like she did to Marie. Further, Stephanie throws out that if the trio of women are going to simultaneously attack and protect each other, she doesn't need it in her house. With Brandi in tears in the bathroom, LeeAnne gone silent and Cary fed up with the entire mess, dinner ends with an awkward parting of ways as the group of Housewives seems more fractured than ever before. All I want to know, though, is how in the world did everyone get back to Dallas in one piece?

What did you think of this nightmarish girls trip to Austin? Were LeeAnne's threats to Marie unforgivable or does she have the right to feel betrayed? Was Tiffany right or wrong to defend her best friend? Should the other women done more to protect Marie? Leave your thoughts and opinion in the comments section below!