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Real Housewives

RHONY Ssn 8/Ep 12 - Always the Bitch, Never the Bride

Glenn Rowley

rhony-carole-radziwill

It's a wedding gone to the dogs on this week's episode of The Real Housewives of New York City! While Jules launches a new business and Sonja plots to get back in the group's good graces, Bethenny confronts a serious health scare that threatens the ladies' plans for their Mexican vacation. Read on for a full recap of all the drama...

carole-radziwill-dog-baby

There's no place like New York City for a charity dog wedding. That's right, Carole Radziwill's puppy Baby has been enlisted as a bridesmaid in the canine wedding of the century between two of Manhattan's most elite pups - Toast, the Cavalier King Charles spaniel belonging to blogger Josh "The Fat Jew" Ostrovsky and Finn, who belongs to socialite Amanda Hearst. And of course, the point of the glamorous event is to raise money and awareness for puppy mill rescues. Like I said, only in the Big Apple. To prep for the wedding, Carole and Baby join the rest of the bridal party for a photoshoot involving a giant swan pool float. Carole's nervous for Baby's big debut, and gets embarrassed when she realizes that her poor pup looks like a drowned pauper next to all the other fancy dogs at the shoot. Baby is definitely the Melissa McCarthy of this Bridesmaids reboot.

dorinda-medley-spiritual-gangster

Uptown, Dorinda Medley meets Jules Wainstein at Malia Mills for some good old-fashioned gossip and retail therapy. Dorinda arrives sporting a shirt emblazoned with the phrase "spiritual gangster," which is as apt a description of her as probably any I've ever heard. Naturally, the topic at hand as the 'Wives shop is the upcoming trip to Mexico. Dorinda thinks the dynamic among the women has gotten too intense as of late, and Jules thinks it's unfair that Sonja Morgan isn't being invited on the trip because of the continuing Tipsy Girl vs. Skinnygirl drama with Bethenny Frankel. Dorinda's prepared to advocate for both Sonja and Luann de Lesseps to come on the trip with the rest of the ladies and Jules agrees that when it comes to Housewives vacations, the more the merrier. 

rhony-sonja-morgan-ramona-singer

Speaking of Sonja, she's at her townhouse on the Upper East Side with Ramona Singer. Now that Sonja's stopped drinking, Frick and Frack are back to being BFFs. Lady Morgan will be seeing Bethenny for the first time at the dog wedding and, even though her partners refuse to drop the word "Girl" from the name of her Prosecco, she's prepared to apologize. To help her out, Ramona's even role playing the scenario as Bethenny with her in an attempt to ensure that Sonja doesn't ramble or go beyond the simple message of "I'm sorry, please forgive me." Ramona's aggressive impression of B defending her business is pretty spot on, even though she admits in her confessional that the odds of Sonja sticking to the rehearsal are pretty much slim to none. 

real-housewives-of-new-york-city-bethenny-frankel

Meanwhile, Bethenny's meeting Carole for drinks at STK to dish the dirt on her disastrous sit-down with Luann in last week's episode. After recounting the one-sided conversation in which the Countess invited herself on the Mexico trip - including B's hilarious "did you take crystal meth before you got here?" line - the Skinnygirl reveals that she'll be going to the doctor the next day to figure out why she's been bleeding so excessively. She's never one to jump to rash conclusions, but something with Bethenny's body seems to be seriously wrong and she needs to get to the bottom of it before anything gets worse. Because of the doctor's appointment, B won't make it to the doggy wedding, which means that Sonja won't get the chance to apologize she's been so desperately looking forward to.

jules-wainstein-modern-alkeme

Although she's only been on the show for a dozen episodes, Jules isn't wasting any time in using the Housewives platform to promote her new business. Based on a family recipe she learned from her mother, the newbie is launching Modern Alkeme, a line of cleansing tonics and detox drinks. In a meeting with her business partners, Jules surprises her husband Michael with this news, and the revelation that she's developed the idea all the way to a factory prototype without him knowing. In her confessional, Jules admits that she wants to take charge of her financial future and stop depending on a man. Considering the news that the Wainsteins are divorcing over Michael's alleged infidelity, it seems like Jules's intuition to put her future in her hands came at exactly the right time. Go Jules!

bethenny-frankel-fibroids

The day of her doctor's appointment, Bethenny spends the morning shopping at Home Goods with Dorinda, which is basically like two kids in a candy store. However, in the middle of the shopping trip, the look on the Skinnygirl's face suddenly changes and it quickly becomes clear that something is wrong. Abruptly leaving the store, Bethenny heads right to the doctor with Dorinda in tow as moral support. Following the appointment, the two 'Wives head to Bethenny's apartment, where we learn in their debrief that Bethenny's instinct was right: she's lost almost 10 percent of her blood and it's being caused by massive fibroids in her uterus that need to be removed as soon as possible. The doctors gave Bethenny three different options that all involve different degrees of surgery: a myomectomy, a complete hysterectomy or a procedure called uterine artery embolization. Any of the scenarios will require Bethenny to stay in the hospital for three days following the operation, so she is understandably frightened and emotional.

carole-radziwill-dog-wedding

It's time for the dog wedding and the 'Wives descend upon the High Line Hotel with their respective pooches for what turns out to be a more glamorous affair than most human weddings. We're talking 300+ people, a step and repeat and an actual walk down the aisle. Legendary gossip columnist Cindy Adams of Page Six is officiating while the puppy bride is being given away (in custom Marchesa) by Simon Doonan, Creative Ambassador-at-Large for Barneys. I mean, Vanity Fair is covering the event, and they didn't even write about Carole's own wedding...to a Kennedy!

real-housewives-of-new-york-city-ramona-singer

Once the "puptials" are over, the women start excitedly discussing their upcoming trip south of the border and Dorinda's forced to deliver the bad news: due to Bethenny's health issues, they won't be going to Mexico. In classic Ramonacoaster fashion, the Singer Stinger is particularly shocked at this terrible development. Never mind that Bethenny has to get major surgery, Ramona just bought new bathing suits! However, as petty as the cancelled trip is, the women ultimately rally and express that the most important thing is for Bethenny to get healthy. This is the Housewives sisterhood in action: when one of their own is down, the ladies of RHONY can always be depended on to circle the wagons and look out for each other. The episode ends with Ramona cutting into the wedding cake in yet another classically Ramotional moment and only then does it dawn on me...we just made it through an entire episode without any sign of Luann!

What did you think of this week's RHONY? Was that the dog wedding of the century or what? Should Carole's dog Baby have been the maid of honor? Will you try Modern Alkeme? Are you bummed we won't see the ladies go to Mexico? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments section below!