It's week two on The Real Housewives of Dallas, and while some of the ladies are representing the city in a cosmopolitan light on par with the rest of the franchise, others are taking potty humor to a whole new level. Don't know what I mean? Read on and find out!
The episode kicks off with BFFs Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman going to Friend of the Housewives Marie Reyes' house. During last week's no-tie dinner, Brandi found out that Marie's daughter is interested in dance and offered to give the eight-year-old a free lesson from a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. In between teaching her a few age-appropriate moves and how to dance on beat, Brandi also takes the time to apologize to Marie for causing a scene during the aforementioned dinner by engaging in an argument with queen bee LeeAnne Locken. A wide-eyed Marie diplomatically defends LeeAnne, claiming that who she is one-on-one is very different from her public persona on display at charity events throughout Dallas. The show's resident Friend of the Housewives also reassures Brandi that LeeAnne is actually really funny, and swears that eventually the pair will likely bond over their respective senses of humor. Hmm...I'm not so sure about that.
We also get more of an introduction into the life of Cary Deuber this week, whom we see tattooing a nipple onto a breast reconstruction patient in the episode's opening moments. He may be a plastic surgeon-meets-Mr. Mom these days, but Cary claims that when she met her husband Mark, he was a "total fixer-upper" who was 80 pounds heavier with a bad haircut. We also meet the couple's two-year-old daughter Zuri, who apparently speaks English, Spanish, French and Swiss-German. First of all, I didn't even know Swiss-German was a language and secondly, this list of accomplishments still pales in comparison to the accolades garnered by Dana "$25,000 Sunglasses" Wilkey's son during Season 2 of RHOBH. Never forget, people.
The next event coming up in the charity season is the Mad Hatter's Tea and Luncheon to raise funds for the Dallas Arboretum, which is just a fancy word for a botanical garden. According to LeeAnne, it's the biggest and most important event of the social season, with women spending thousands of dollars on custom hats to stand out among the who's who of Dallas society. Last year, LeeAnne's giant five-foot-tall and four-foot-wide hat took home the prize for "Most Botanical" and she gunning for a follow-up victory by taking her BFF and fellow Housewife Tiffany Hendra to Binzario Couture where her hat for this year's event is being designed. The theme of this year's Mad Hatter's is "Springtime in Paris," and while other ladies who lunch are dropping small fortunes on their hats, LeeAnne gets hers for free simply because the designers know how much publicity their creation will get in the pages of every magazine.
Meanwhile, Brandi and Stephanie are opting for a much more DIY approach, with the former's three- and six-year olds even lending a hand to help create their hats. Brandi is going for a very specific theme with her hat: Dog Poop in the Park. Yes, the idea childish and more than a little vulgar, but Brandi wants to poke fun at how seriously some of the other women in Dallas take their charity events. Specifically, she can't wait to see the look of horror on LeeAnne's face when she sees the fecal-inspired creation. Speaking of the queen bee, Stephanie presses her bestie on how she's feeling about their feud and asks if she's planning on apologizing. Brandi doesn't see the need to offer any sort of apology because she doesn't think she did anything wrong by attacking LeeAnne at the no-tie dinner. Stephanie decides to come clean about something: she actually sent LeeAnne an apology already over email, claiming that she didn't want her to feel ganged up on. Shocked, Brandi insists she isn't mad Stephanie sent the email but pointedly tells her not to get in the middle of the fight anymore. From Brandi's perspective, LeeAnne is turning the entire confrontation around to make it seem like she's the one who attacked her. Which...she was. I just had to say it.
Next, we get some insight into Tiffany and LeeAnne's long friendship. As they BBQ with LeeAnne's boyfriend Rich and Tiff's husband Aaron, the latter explains in her confessional that the BFFs first met on a modeling job 25 years ago. According to Tiffany, her first impression of LeeAnne was not good. In fact, she went as far as to say she hated her! However, on their next modeling job together, Tiffany saw a different side to the Mouth of the South, and they became the best of friends from there on out - going from partner-in-crime party girls all the way to becoming Housewives together. I love these two together and I am honestly living for these old modeling shots of them. More please! Also more of Aaron's perfect hair please, but less of his bovine artificial insemination stories...
At the Redmond house, the poop jokes just keep coming as Brandi preps for a birthday tea party to celebrate her mom's birthday with her two girls. While they're baking and frosting a chocolate cake, Brandi continuously makes jokes about how much it looks like poop, and not even the girls think it's funny. It turns out that Brandi has a bit of a complicated family history. Not only does it seem her husband Bryan is rarely around - focusing instead on his goal of becoming a multi-millionaire by the time he's 40 - but Brandi's mom gave birth to her brother Scooter and her at only 15 and 16, respectively. During her birthday toast, Brandi tearfully thanks her mom for everything she did to provide her with a childhood growing up. It's heartwarming to see and finally gives us a peek at the vulnerable Brandi that's been hiding under all the potty humor for two episodes.
Having recently relocated to Dallas, the Hendras are ready to settle down roots and buy a house. Scratch that - Tiffany is the one dead set on becoming a homeowner, Aaron's not so sure. They look at a house that feels very LA, and would have plenty of creative space for Aaron's studio as well as room for Tiffany to work on her lifestyle blog and YouTube channel, Sanctuary of Style. However, financially, a house this size would be a bit of a stretch on their savings thanks to all the trips to Fred Segal and partying Tiff did in California. Plus, Aaron is hesitant to put down permanent roots in Dallas - he's trying hard to like the city but ultimately he moved for Tiffany to be closer to family and friends. Whether or not the opportunities he needs for his music career present in Dallas remains to be seen...
Finally, all the 'Wives get glammed up for Mad Hatter's and are ready to party for a purpose. LeeAnne is giving legit Paris vibes in pearls and all-white Chanel with her gorgeous hand-beaded fascinator, while Tiffany stuns in her wide-brimmed pink hat and off-the-shoulder striped ensemble and Marie looks like she walked straight out of the Moulin Rouge. Both Stephanie and Cary arrive in more toned-down outfits, but looking equally chic in 1920's inspired cloche hats. And then there's Brandi...whose gigantic hat is a combination of moss, grass, string, plastic toys and...dog poop.
Almost immediately, Brandi's hat becomes the talk of the event, for both good and ill. Plenty of people compliment her without realizing what the hat is actually made of, which makes the joke even funnier to Stephanie. However, gossip quickly circulates in hushed tones that Brandi's hat has dog poop on it, which inevitably reaches the ears of Tiffany and LeeAnne. Tiffany calls the move "so not appropriate" for Mad Hatter's while LeeAnne sees Brandi's fecal-inspired hat as a giant bitch slap to all the other ladies at the event. However, when Brandi and Stephanie approach LeeAnne to say hello, she refuses to give her real opinion, claiming in her interview that Brandi just wanted to get a reaction out of her.
As the women sit down for the luncheon, Brandi finally gives her head a break by taking off the hat and the hidden piece of poop falls off. Thinking it would be a funny prank to light the mood, she conspires with Cary and Stephanie to put the fecal matter on an empty chair at another table, which incidentally happens to be LeeAnne's. Under the guise of coming to talk to Marie and Tiffany, Cary successfully plants the piece of poop on the chair. However, LeeAnne sees the offending object before she sits down, and promptly decides to go inform her friend who is a major power player in the charity scene about Brandi's attempted prank. In the episode's closing moments, LeeAnne leaves Brandi and the rest of us with an ominous warning via confessional: cross the wrong people in Dallas society and you will get crossed off the list. Don't mess with the Mouth of the South, y'all!
Whose side are you on in the growing feud between Brandi and LeeAnne? Did you find Brandi's "Dog Poop in the Park" hat inappropriate or funny? Are you as tired as I am of all the non-stop potty humor so far this season? Leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments and stay tuned for next week's recap!