Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? The ladies of Beverly Hills went full Moulin Rouge this week and there was more drama than a doomed Christian/Satine romance. But before the 'Wives dress up as the most expensive hookers money can buy, we have to start at the top of the hour.
The episode opens with Kyle arriving at Villa Rosa to pick up Lisa V. for some location-scouting for their dual anniversary party. But first, LVP has a bone to pick with Kyle over a cup of strictly sugar-free tea. See, it's no secret that Lisa has a major issue with Faye Resnick ever since the Season 3 finale, and she doesn't appreciate that Kyle didn't give her a heads-up that the one-time Playboy model would be at the BBQ. Kyle doesn't see what the big deal is since Lisa "isn't holding a grudge" anymore. To prove just how "over it" she is, Lisa proceeds to compare Faye to an orangutan being let out of her cage. Seriously? An orangutan? Low blow, Lisa. Kyle insists that it's time for it to grow up, move past the entire ordeal and just let her put some freaking sugar in her tea already. In the spirit of growing up, Lisa asks if that means she can invite Witchy-Poo to the anniversary party, but I'm confused because I thought we were permanently erasing any trace of Carlton Gebbia from this franchise. After Kyle nearly wrecks her car to keep Lisa from getting her hands on her phone, the pair of 'Wives visit the gorgeous, historical Culver Hotel and settle on it as the venue for their upcoming party.
Out in Malibu, Erika is visiting Yolanda for the latter's first visit to the beach in nine months. Naturally, Yolanda wants to know what happened after she left Kyle's BBQ and Erika tries to fill her in on the confrontation between Faye and Kathryn over the O.J. Simpson fiasco. However, Erika has much juicier gossip to pass onto Yo, and reluctantly passes along the questions about Anwar and Bella's Lyme disease that were being thrown around the BBQ, including Lisa V.'s assertion that Mohamed said Bella and Anwar are fine. Yolanda is absolutely shocked at this news, particularly coming from Lisa V., the one 'Wife who's constantly claiming to love her three children. Yo's protective mama mode starts coming out immediately. After all, it's one thing to talk about her, it's entirely another thing to be gossiping about her kids. In her confessional, Yolanda says she finds the constant accusations and doubt surrounding the Lyme disease of herself and her kids to be an attack on her integrity. First up on her list of 'Wives to confront, though, is Lisa Rinna, who she calls "despicable" for gossiping behind her back.
Speaking of the second Lisa, the very next day she's visiting Erika to get some advice on how to confess her involvement in the Munchausen debate to Yolanda. Erika is straight up SLAYING in that leopard print jumpsuit, and after giving a tour of her gorgeous home (including the chapel), the pair settle down in the backyard to chat. Almost immediately, Lisa Rinna starts backpedaling - yes she feels guilty for engaging in the Munchausen conversation, but argues that the "chatter" wouldn't be happening if Yolanda didn't put her illness out there in such a public way (a.k.a. making it a central storyline on a reality show.) Erika tries to put her at ease though, advising her that Yo will appreciate her being honest and straightforward with her. We'll see how that goes...
Meanwhile, Kathryn is still stewing over her confrontation with Faye at the BBQ, which clearly didn't go the way she had anticipated. In her interview, Kathryn admits that she had built up a war in her head with Faye, and she came to the BBQ ready to throw down the gauntlet. While working out at the gym, she rehashes the issue with Donnie (who is officially in the running for "Hottest Househusband Ever"). When Donnie asks what she'll do when she sees Faye at the Moulin Rouge party, Kathryn admits that she'll have to wait and see how Faye acts. After all, she was pretty much the exact opposite of what Kathryn expected at Kyle's BBQ, so maybe Faye is a much different person than she thought. Or maybe Faye just had 20 years to feel badly about writing the infamous book in the first place.
After all the build-up, Lisa Rinna finally arrives hat in hand at Yolanda's condo to come clean. Rinna is clearly nervous to have this conversation, saying in her confessional that Yo is not someone she finds very easy to talk to. (Never mind that she apparently finds it quite easy to talk about her...) However, she immediately puts everything out on the table, admitting that she's engaged in some of the "chatter" going on around town, even questioning the point of Yolanda's constant sick selfie/happy selfie routine on Instagram. Setting the stage by admitting she doesn't know if Yolanda will tell her to get the f**k out of her house upon her confession, Lisa Rinna admits that she's responsible for bringing the big, bad M-word to the attention of the other women. Just like cunnilingus last year, Yolanda doesn't understand what Munchausen means, and Lisa has the enviable job of defining it for her: it's when someone says they're sick, but they're not. Ever magnanimous, Yo graciously accepts Lisa's explanation and apology, then announces that she's tired and it's time for Rinna to bounce.
With the Munchausen accusation finally out in the open, it's time to party! All the women get dressed in their trashiest corsets and fishnets and descend upon the Culver Hotel for Lisa and Kyle's Moulin Rouge-themed joint anniversary party. Other than Yolanda, the gang's all here, including pretty in pink Camille Grammer, Taylor Armstrong looking like a skeleton, gay power couple Lance Bass and Michael Turchin and the infamous Miss Resnick. However, with all those extra players in the room, the first dust-up of the night unexpectedly comes from newbies Erika and Kathryn. While at the bar, the pair begin discussing the differing social pressures between men and women upon Kathryn's assertion that Donnie is much nicer than she is. Both 'Wives agree that men tend to have it much easier than women, because if people think you're too nice as a woman you get taken advantage of or thought of as weak. On the other hand, Erika explains, if you're too mean then you're labeled a C-U-Next-Tuesday, which we've come to learn is one of Erika Jayne's favorite descriptors. Kathryn immediately balks at the word, finding it "degrading, nasty, dirty and gross," and promptly tells Erika she's too pretty talk like that. However, if there's one thing we've learned about Erika Girardi so far, it's that no one tells her what to do. She informs Kathryn that, yes, she actually does talk like that and summarily dismisses her objection in an interview by informing us with a wink that she will say the word any f**king time she pleases. Erika, if you're reading this, I officially want to be BFFs with you. Sorry Mikey Minden.
By now the party is in full, raucous swing, with Kyle hitting the splits, Camille owning the dance floor and Lisa V. being forced into small talk with Faye about her fiancee. On a lipstick break, Kyle asks Lisa if she was nice to Faye and Kathryn, who also happens to be sitting there, eagerly jumps into the conversation. Upon learning that her enemy is at the party, Kathryn insists that everything she knew about Faye back in the 90s was not good. Lisa dogpiles on, once again bringing up Faye's "aggressive" exchange with her during her 30th anniversary party three years prior. Kyle naturally goes on the defense, explaining to Kathryn that Faye is a good girl who's been a loyal friend for many years. When Kathryn discovers that Kyle met Faye in 1994 (prior to the O.J. trial), she announces in her interview that she's now starting to question what kind of person Kyle is as well. So far, I really like Kathryn, but questioning Kyle is just not OK with me. The newbie again reiterates to the OG that her issue with Faye revolves around what she wrote in her book, but Kyle starts getting angry - pointing out that Faye wrote about her own feelings and, again, it was 21 years ago. Let. It. Go. Already. Kyle can't believe that Kathryn would have the audacity to speak against her best friend at Kyle's own anniversary party - which she invited Kathryn to in the first place. It certainly goes against any etiquette rulebook I've ever read. Kathryn, you don't have to sit and "make nice-nice," but you can at least be polite to the hostess of the party you're at...
This argument leaves Kyle fuming, and she rightfully points out to Lisa V. that she doesn't know Kathryn well enough for her to be talking that way about her friend at her party. It's just plain rude. LVP tries to argue that there's a deeply personal history between the two, but Kyle shoots back that if someone did that to Lisa about one of her friends at, say, her 30th anniversary party, she wouldn't be happy. Note to everyone, this is 100% accurate. Lisa makes it clear that she still likes Kathryn, but she's obviously not on Kyle's good side. Kyle thinks Lisa should be supporting her on the issue simply out of principle, but is it really a surprise that she's sticking up for someone who doesn't like Faye? However, as Kyle somewhat snidely points out in her confessional, the last time Lisa Vanderpump decided to side with the new girl, things didn't turn out so well for her, did they?