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Real Housewives

RHOBH Ssn 6/Ep 11 - Please Welcome Erika Jayne!

Glenn Rowley


After spending the last two and a half months falling in love with Erika Girardi, we (and the other 'Wives) finally got the chance this week to truly meet her sex goddess pop diva alter ego in full. I think it's safe to say it was a show the rest of the women won't be forgetting any time soon. However, mounting tensions over Yolanda Foster and her children's Lyme disease threatened to ruin the San Diego fun.


To kick off the episode, Yolanda has somehow wrangled Lisa Vanderpump and Kyle Richards into trying cryotherapy with her. The pair of OGs aren't so sure they want to submit their naked bodies to roughly 140 degrees below zero for the fun of it, but they want to be supportive friends to Yo no matter how much screaming and squealing they do inside the padded, freezing chamber. (Apparently, this is just one of the "fun things" Yolanda does every week to take care of herself.) The only words Kyle can use to describe the experience is that it was like "skiing down a mountain in Aspen a blizzard." That does not sound like my idea of a good time, though both Lisa and Kyle reluctantly admit that they feel better after the experience.


Meanwhile, Erika is prepping for her performance down in San Diego over the weekend. She's bring her act to Pervert Night at Rich's, the most popular gay club in San Diego and she's invited all the ladies to come along. Then, they'll be having brunch the next day at Kathryn and Donnie's home, which is currently in the midst of a complete renovation. Erika's excited for the 'Wives to come see her in her element, and hopes she can get these "conservative old ladies" to let their hair down for a night. In fact, she's even packing her favorite "C***y" necklace to prove a point to Kathryn, who clutched her pearls when Erika used the word at the Moulin Rouge party.


After the cryotherapy, Yolanda meets Kyle and Lisa V. at Il Fornaio for lunch. However, it quickly becomes clear that she's after more than Italian food when she brings up her conversation with Lisa Rinna about the Munchausen rumors. Even though Lisa R. apologized for engaging in the conversation, Yolanda is still clearly upset about the whole situation and wants to know if Kyle and Lisa V. defended her when the M-word was brought up. Somewhat reluctantly, Kyle admits in her confessional that they were so taken aback by the subject that they didn't stand up for Yo as much as they probably should have. But Yolanda is far from finished as she pointedly questions Lisa V. about whether she said Anwar and Bella didn't have Lyme disease at Kyle's BBQ. According to Yo, this information came from Lisa Rinna, and LVP is shocked that her name is now being dragged into the mess of rumors and gossip. An angry Yolanda takes the confrontation one step further by producing an envelope with Anwar and Bella's medical records for Lisa to take home and "educate" herself.


Naturally, Lisa is offended by this, and tries to reiterate that Mohamed merely never said anything to her about the kids having Lyme, always saying that they were "fine." And furthermore, the words "Bella and Anwar don't have Lyme disease" never came out of her mouth. However, Yolanda insists that she wants Lisa to personally apologize to her kids for casting even a single shred of doubt on their integrity and health. Of course, Lisa's not about to apologize for something she never said and is now angry at Lisa Rinna for apparently dragging her name through the mud. The three 'Wives leave the restaurant at a bit of a standoff, but Lisa V. and Kyle are both now determined to confront Lisa Rinna over this angry new development. 


In another part of town, Eileen and Kathryn are having a much more lighthearted lunch than their costars. As they get to know each other over salmon salads and Eileen's "janky" handbag, I'm liking this pair together, and am struck once again by how gorgeous they both are. Both Eileen and Kathryn are looking forward to the weekend in San Diego for Erika's performance, which shouldn't come as a surprise seeing that Eileen happens to be Erika Jayne's number one fan. Over the course of the meal, they also discover to their combined amusement and horror that Eileen dated Kathryn's ex-husband Marcus Allen at roughly the same time he was seeing her. Apparently Marcus Allen is to RHOBH what Harry Dubin is to RHONY. 1989 must have been a weird year, man. 


The next day, all the ladies (minus Yolanda, who's still recovering from her surgery) jump into a limo to head down the coast for Erika's show. At first, things are lighthearted and silly, but eventually the topic of Yolanda comes up and Kyle and Lisa V. give the other women a rundown of Yo's confrontation with them from the day before. Now, the OGs have a bone to pick with Lisa Rinna, and demand to know what exactly she told Yolanda to make her think they were saying the kids didn't have Lyme disease. Rinna insists that she didn't say anything to Yolanda about them - she only met with her to apologize for bringing up the Munchausen debate. In fact, according to Lisa R., Yolanda was the one who asked her about Lisa and Kyle's comments, so she must've already heard the gossip from somewhere else. So...if Lisa Rinna didn't tell Yolanda, who did? By the time the 'Wives arrive in San Diego and check into their hotel, Lisa R. is on a mission to find out the answer to that question. 


But before any drama, it's time for what the ladies came for: a performance by Erika Jayne. Donning their best party dresses and patterned jumpsuits, the women descend upon Rich's, the famous gay club serving as the night's venue. As soon as they arrive, all I can see are harnesses, jock straps and bubble butts, oh my! Backstage, Erika is putting the finishing touches on her outfit and gathers her dancers for what has to be the single best prayer I've ever heard. Given by an open-eyed Mikey Minden, it's worth recording word for word: "We are here on a creative journey, and we're about to express ourselves on stage. I want you to turn up the sex, turn up the heat. Here we go...1, 2, 3, PRETTY MESS!" The crowd goes wild as Erika Jayne takes the stage and the rest of the women are simply astounded at what an incredible performer their friend is. Lisa Rinna may have been prudish about the whole thing, but is officially converted to the magic that is Erika Jayne and declares that she's basically as good as Britney. All I know is now I have to see Erika Jayne live some day.


Following the show, the 'Wives pile onto Erika's tour bus, where the diva of the hour gives them an education on what "c***y" really means. It's sassy, it's sexy and it's fun, and the other women aren't allowed to get offended by it. Welcome to Erika's world ladies, we're not at Pump anymore! Reaching the hotel, Erika has planned an afterparty full of cocktails and naked men in her suite, which sounds like an incredible time, but Lisa Rinna has other plans. Sitting all the women down, she decides it's time to get everything out on the table about this game of telephone they've all been playing about Yolanda. Playing the mediator, Eileen fills Erika in on the developments of the limo ride and the mystery of who told Yolanda. By process of elimination, Lisa Rinna has deduced that it had to be Erika. 


Erika immediately denies this, but of course it was her. She feels a loyalty to her friend and we saw her tell Yolanda on the beach. However, she explains in her confessional that the time for this conversation is not right after she's had an amazing show. Let's not ruin the moment. A fired up Lisa Rinna's not budging though, and angrily lashes out that she feels like she's being taken for someone's scapegoat in this situation. Erika fires back that if she didn't say it, she shouldn't care what other people are saying. The situation starts escalating with raised voices on both sides, and Lisa Rinna finds it suspicious that Erika is now getting so worked up. Doth the lady protest too much? However, Erika insists they all drop the entire conversation and move on, effectively ending the afterparty and sending the ladies to their rooms. Lisa Rinna is forced to go to bed angry and confused, without any resolution to this increasingly volatile drama. Long live Erika Jayne!