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Real Housewives

RHONY Ssn 7/Ep 23 - Secrets Revealed

Glenn Rowley

kristen-josh-toast.png

The reunion has come and gone, and we've officially arrived at the very last hour of RHONY Season 7 - the lost footage episode. Lost footage is usually a lot of fun; it's all the scenes that didn't fit into the season's narrative. So typically we get a lot of funny and random moments. This time all of that was true, but we also got some subtle acknowledgement of what's been going on in the tabloids the past two weeks.

bethenny-cocktails

The episode starts with a clip of Dorinda and Bethenny meeting for cocktails. Since Doris is feeling under the weather, she orders a very dirty Grey Goose martini straight up, prompting Bethenny to christen her an official "broad." B used that word a lot this season to describe the veteran 'Wives and Dorinda - is this where the reference came from? Over drinks, the pair decides to give their waitress a little pep talk about life. B gives the unsuspecting girl some free advice to work hard and do whatever needs to be done. After all, just a few years ago Bethenny was blowing-drying shrink-wrapped cookies to pay the bills and look at her now! You never know where life can take you, young waitresses of America. Especially if you learn to give away free desserts for a bigger tip.

Next, we get a couple of clips that test the old adage of whether the customer is always right. According to Luann in the Turks and Caicos, yes she is. If the Sandbar is dead, you leave because heaven forbid the drunk Countess be bored. The first moment of the episode that made me laugh out loud was Dorinda's talking head about the chef's never-ending descriptions at her Berkshires birthday dinner. "Here we have a fish that was caught 22 hours ago, it was a certain species, it had blue eyes and three children" and on and on and on. Give me more sake just to get through this! Plus, how many Skinnygirls does it take to start a fire? I can't tell you the answer because I don't think they ever managed to open the flume...

dorinda-email

In a touching scene, Dorinda invites Ramona and Sonja over for a proper tea party, complete with Earl Grey, scones and crustless tea sandwiches. Over tea, Dorinda tells the ladies about an email that popped up on her computer the night before: it was a love letter her late husband Richard had written to her in 2007. It had someone been buried in the depths of her inbox all these years and she finally read it for the first time. He wrote the letter while she was asleep next to him, looking forward to all the time he had to "bug, hug and kiss" her in the years to come. By the time she finished reading the excerpt, tears were flowing all around and it was an incredibly emotional moment. Of course, Sonja then managed to turn the conversation to her ex-husband (who is, you know, alive) and Ramona's separation from Mario. Sonja starts waxing nostalgic about her bestie and Mario being together, but Dorinda cuts through the sentimentality to say that she thinks of Ramona as an individual now instead of as part of a couple. It looks like the new Ramona is really working. Soon enough, all three are crying again, leading Ramona to guess they must be getting ready to start that time of the month...

ramona-sonja-reunion-hug

This leads into a clip from the reunion where Andy addresses the fact that, for the first time ever, Ramona and Sonja aren't seated next to each other. As I mentioned in my recap of Part 1, I thought this was a refreshing change of pace and didn't mind whatsoever that Sonja was on the far end of the couch. Andy stirs the pot by asking Frick and Frack about the evolution of their relationship. In the early days of the show, each refused to say anything negative about the other but these days that unspoken rule seems to be broken constantly. Ramona explains that as she was going through this transitional period of her life, she pushed away the people closest to her (a.k.a. Sonja). As much as Sonja wanted to be there for her, Ramona claims her friend didn't support her in the way she needed. Sonja, on the other hand, admits to being defensive and needy while attempting to find common ground that Ramona just didn't want to acknowledge. Ramona sees the silver lining though, acknowledging that she was able to develop new, deeper friendships with the likes of Luann, Dorina and #Harole while shutting Sonja out. In the end, the BFFs hug it out and apologize. Long live, Ramonja. 

luann-dream-analyst-tooth

While Carole may have taken Heather and Dorinda to the turkish coffee grounds reader, Ramona organized an altogether different kind of mystical experience for Luann, Sonja, Kristen and herself to meet with Lauren Lawrence, dream analyst. Sonja arrived channeling Lauren Hutton, (thanks to her chipped tooth from the Boy Meets Skinnygirl party), claiming to have known the dream analyst forever since she's part of the "spiritual community." I'm surprised she didn't whip out her abundance candle and swarmi priestess right then and there. Weirdly, most of the dreams that the ladies wanted analyzed had to do with teeth: Luann has a reoccuring dream of being a tooth in a jawline, Sonja's getting something forcibly shoved in her mouth and Ramona has all her teeth fall out. What's with these women and teeth? Only Kristen had a non-tooth related dream that Lauren Lawrence claimed pointed to some sort of trauma coming up in her life. Here's the first, foreboding hint of those tabloid headlines I mentioned...

Out of everything else we didn't see from the reunion, Bravo chose to show the women calling out Ramona for how she treats the staff on vacations. Really? I much rather would've seen the Bethenny vs. Kristen showdown over talking to the press. Speaking of vacation, it turns out that Carole got a call from her agent as she was hot tubbing in the Turks and Caicos about her missed deadlines. Of course she's working on her book, Mr. Agent! She certainly isn't taking your call from a hot tub in the Caribbean...After getting back from the trip, she met with her editor Barbara at the City Bakery to hand over an essay and a half and get a gift of her own: a six month extension on her deadline. Carole's book, which is going to be a collection of essays taken from her previously unwritten life experiences, is due just after Labor Day. Which is...this coming week. Is she done writing yet? It's the reason she wasn't allowed to blog at all this season, so I'm hoping the new book is worth it. The very first thing I want to read is "He'll Be 30 Someday."

It turns out Andy also stirred the pot about Kristen's marriage at the reunion, asking the model if she was relieved the show didn't focus on her marital issues this year like it did in Season 6. With everything that's happened in the wake of the Ashley Madison hack, I'm sure she's relieved her storyline this season didn't revolve around anything to do with her marriage. With a champagne glass in hand, Kristen points out that she and Josh celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary this season, but we didn't get to see it until now.

carole-wedding-dress

First, she invited Carole over to look through their wedding albums and to open her wedding dress, which has been boxed up in storage for a decade. It's crazy to think that Carole would be celebrating her 20th wedding anniversary this year if Anthony were still alive. When Kristen opens the box holding her wedding dress, she's at first underwhelmed by the yellowed, musty ball of lace. But when she tries it on, the dress fits perfectly! And better yet, she looks absolutely stunning in it. Carole tries the gown on too because that's just what girlfriends do, right?

kristen-tenth-anniversary

The anniversary party is a glamorous, black tie affair at Tavern on the Green. Kristen looks stunning and Josh is sporting a fedora-like hat, but Ramona and Luann are, of course, complaining about the lack of food. Suspiciously, Bethenny seems to be the only Housewife who isn't in attendance. Both Kristen and Josh give loving, emotional toasts about how much they love each other, with Josh acknowledging that he doesn't thank Kristen enough for everything she does as a wife, mother and friend. He says he married up and I'm going to unequivocally agree with that statement. In her interview, Kristen says that she felt it was important to take a moment to recognize this big milestone in their lives, to remember where they started and appreciate the family and life their love has built. It's a lovely sentiment, somewhat tarnished by the discovery of Josh's Ashley Madison account. I adore Kristen and am squarely, obviously, on her team in this embarrassing scandal.

The episode's final moments are light, fun and a bit naughty as the women discuss their beauty secrets. From laser hair removal down there to bleaching the color of your a**hole, it's all TMI and a bit naughty. Apparently Bethenny is naked as the day she was born down there thanks to lasers, and Ramona points out that the bleaching is probably for if you're going to lick it. Well. She's not wrong. And that's a wrap.