After last week's reintroductions and catching up, we'll finally get all eight Housewives in the same room this episode. And we're heading to the Hamptons, courtesy of Heather and Carole in the back of a town car. Carole's ready to nap, pillow included, but Heather's ready to dish. The topic at hand? Luann's new house in Sag Harbor. She downgraded from the Hamptons estate we've seen for six seasons into something homier and more manageable as a single woman. This new locale will serve as the setting for much of the episode, so let's get used to the change quickly.
Ramona's also heading to the country for the weekend, with Dorinda in tow and Sonja joining later. Strange that, being such good friends, Dorinda has never been to Ramona's house, but I guess there's a first time for everything. Being the guest of honor, Dorinda gets the best room in the house with pinot and fresh flowers delivered by Ramotional. Dorinda decides this the best time to tell Ramona and the viewers that she spends her summers, not in the Hamptons, but in the Berkshires. You know, that wooded backwater hell hole Ramona hired a PRIVATE PLANE to escape from last season? How low-class of her. I'm half-surprised Ramona didn't take this revelation as a personal offense and kick her to the curb right there.
The next day, Luann is hosting an estate sale at her old estate and everything must go, no light fixture or crown molding is spared. The concept of an estate sale must be kind of depressing - watching all these random strangers pick through every bit of the place you called home. But somehow, Luann sees this as a positive step forward. Carole, Heather, Ramona and Dorinda all show up for moral support. Ramona chooses the estate sale as the perfect time to pull Luann aside and offer her an apology "in all sincerity" for all the trash-talking she's done over the years about Luann's former marriage. This is the wiser, humbler Ramona we've been promised. Divorce might just look good on her. Luann accepts the apology with the expected heaping of salt grains. She says she can forgive, but never forget. Time will tell if the new Ramona will stick around.
Meanwhile, back in Manhattan, Bethenny is still looking for apartments and living out of the back of black SUVs. The Skinnygirl needs a break from the stress of being the wealthiest homeless person in New York and needs to meet the rest of the ladies in the Hamptons ASAP.
That evening, Sonja finally arrives at Ramona's house to meet Dorinda for the first time. Right off the bat, you can feel the tension in the air as the two try to mark their territory as the Ramona-coaster's BFF. Sizing up Lady Morgan after discussing the Berkshires, Dorinda makes an apt observation: "She's Mary Poppins meets Zsa Zsa Gabor." I guess it takes a Zsa Zsa to know one. It also needs to be pointed out that Dorinda's side eye is on the shadiest side of ice-cold daggers I've ever seen. Just look at that picture!
The next morning, Carole and Heather are hanging out in the Countess's kitchen with her son Noel. I literally do not recognize the child on screen as Noel, who has apparently reached the age where Justin Bieber-level attempts at scrawny facial hair are apparently en vogue. Also in the kitchen is Luann's personal chef, who will be known from now on as Adam the hot chef. Carole seems a bit twitterpated upon meeting him. He definitely had her at "Merlot."
After a quick lunchtime scene with the blondes - where Sonja calls Ramona Italian, brings up Mario even though she "promised herself she wouldn't do that" and invites the waitress to kiss her royally outstretched hand instead of handing the poor girl the menu - we've arrived at the night's main event: Luann's housewarming party. This is the first time we've seen all the 'Wives interact and does it seem strange to anyone else that there are literally zero introductions made between Bethenny and the new girls? The power struggle commences almost immediately with Ramona and Bethenny vying for position as leader of the pack. The topic at hand? Brunch invitations. Ramona has supposedly emailed all the girls about going out the next day, and gets offended when Bethenny asks Sonja over to her house since she's Ramona's guest. Bethenny's "Did you send me a memo?" retort is classic, and the argument spills out onto Luann's lawn with no resolution in sight. Bethenny tells Ramotional that she doesn't want to spend time with her if she's going to act all crazy, but Ramona 2.0 insists she's turned over a new leaf. We'll have to wait until next week to see the actual #Brunchgate pan out. It's been two seconds and we already have old grudges being stirred up. Do we still think Bethenny's glad she came back to the show?