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Real Housewives

RHONY Ssn 7/Ep 4 - The Art of Being a Cougar

Glenn Rowley

rhony-cherry

If the first couple of episodes were the warm-up and #Brunchgate was the kickoff, then this week's episode is where the game really starts. And that, my friends, is likely the only time you will read a sports analogy on That Housewives Guy. Here come the cougars! We start this week with Heather and Carole meeting on the High Line. Now, I've been to the High Line in October and it has to be the most jam-packed park in all of New York City, so I'm not sure how they managed to film there. As Carole is regaling her BFF with tales of Adam the hot chef and drug-induced vomiting in the back of a pedicab, I keep getting distracted because I'm so in love with the fall sweater and leather jacket I'm seeing. I'm all for this unconventional and unexpected romance for Carole, and am in no way biased to seeing more of Adam the hot chef on my TV screen.

bethenny-bday

The first main event of the evening is the BDay - as in Bethenny's birthday dinner, and the gang's all here! Oh wait. Scratch that. They're all here minus Kristen and Dorinda, and Heather barely scored an invite as Carole's plus one. Sonja is apparently still with her boy toy of the moment, Dominik the German model, who then takes it upon himself to invite another model friend to the soiree. Clearly these boys understand the definition of "plus one" about as well as they understand Carole's Jordache jeans reference. On another note, did everyone mistake the birthday invitations for a funeral announcement? Or was it just an all-black dress code. Birthday B's jumpsuit looks like something that should be worn to a wake at Studio 54. Maybe birthday black is the new chic thing. Bethenny raises a glass to the "perfect group, perfect dynamic" and I'm holding my breath in anticipation of the comment coming back to bite her in the behind. Sorry Kristen, sorry Dorinda, post-2014 Housewives are apparently not part of this perfection. The night ends with lots of cougars dancing on tables, because when the alpha B says to get on the table, the rest of the cougars get on the table and shake it.

When Heather calls Kristen the next day to fill her in on all the fun she missed, Kristen doesn't know how to take the snub. Wasn't she just invited to B's perfect Hamptons house for brunch just last episode? I guess referring to Kristen as "Confucius over here" during Brunch by Skinnygirl made B forget her real name on the guest list? But, as Jimilyn the housekeeper aptly puts it, "Who cares?" For Kristen is was just another good night's sleep with Kingsley and Cash.

adam-the-hot-chef

Next we're treated to a couple of quick scenes of the new and improved Ramona flirting with her business partner at the new AOA Bar and Grill downtown and Carole on a ping-pong date with Adam the hot chef. Thank you Bravo gods, for the instant wish fulfillment. Also, remember when Carole hosted her first annual charity ping-pong tournament in Season 5? Why haven't we seen more of those?

Dorinda, out on a dinner date with John, seems to be balancing a very tricky, complicated relationship dynamic between her boyfriend and her daughter. If she's been dating John for as long as she has, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense why Hannah has only met him a couple of times. She's 19, not five, she's not going to get emotionally attached and confuse him for her dad. I do get a kick out of seeing Dorinda's mama bear come out to play, though. Nothing gets between a mom and her kid, dry cleaning bills notwithstanding.

heather-cherry

The episode ends with Bethenny, Carole, Heather and Dorinda out to dinner at Chelsea hotspot Cherry, a swanky Asian fusion eatery underneath the Dream Hotel. This seems like a random group to me without Ramona or Luann there to connect the dots. Maybe they'll spend the night bonding over girl talk? Think again. After a strange tangent about rebranding death and Dorinda's double life, tensions flare between Heather and Bethenny when the birthday snubs get brought up. Now, Heather's approach on this got the whole thing off on the wrong foot. Starting the conversation with "I want to share something with you..." in a self-serious tone made it seem much more important and overly dramatic than it actually was. Plus, it seemed earlier during their phone conversation that Heather's feelings for Kristen were hurt much more than Kristen's own feelings. And Bethenny, being Bethenny, doesn't have a sugarcoated setting for what she deems as petty nonsense. This wasn't ever going to turn out well by being put on the table for discussion. Bethenny pulls a Vicki Gunvalson and pretends to fall asleep, while Heather reflexively reacts by trying to keep a polite face on. These two personalities are a very interesting dynamic, and you can bet we'll be seeing more clashes between the two as the season progresses.