Ciao bella! We're off to Italy this week on RHOBH! But first we start at home with Kyle and Mauricio, who's showing five listings on a Saturday to pay for the European vacation. All in all, they'll be going to the French Riviera, Tuscany and Florence before heading to London for Nicky Hilton's fairytale wedding to James Rothschild at Kensington Gardens. Once Kyle, Mauricio and the girls dock their yacht in Italy, Lisa and Ken are meeting them to join in the fun. Since Mauricio's instituted a strict one bag policy for the trip, Kyle's left it up to Lisa to bring a dress for her to wear to the wedding. As Lisa rummages through her closet for the perfect gown, Ken snidely asks if she has a muumuu for Kyle to wear, citing her penchant for wearing a parade of flowing kaftan dresses. Brushing off the rude dig, Lisa chooses a gorgeous black-and-white Badgley Mischka (decidedly non-muumuu) gown.
Meanwhile, Lisa Rinna's at home showing off her new "big, fat, f***ing" diamond earrings to Amelia and her friends. As she gathers the girls around her phone to watch an amusing video of her parents falling off a chair (really it was pretty funny), Lisa explains in her confessional that she doesn't call her aging parents as much as she should. Therefore, when they do talk, she makes a conscious effort to connect with them. Lisa calls her parents on speakerphone and - while hearing the definition of "too much information" regarding her dad's penis catheter - opens up in her confessional about coping with her parents' steadily increasing health problems by refusing to wallow in negativity and always look for humor. Because if you're going to deflect and distract yourself from the reality of your parents getting older, you might as well do it through laughter.
In an unexpected turn of events, Kyle calls Lisa from her Range Rover to inform her of a revision in the trip itinerary: she will no longer be going to London for Nicky's wedding. Apparently things have gotten so bad with both of her sisters that Kyle's been uninvited by Kathy. So, there's no need for a dress after all. At first Lisa thinks she's joking, but soon realizes the severity of the situation and points out to Kyle that this type of family drama can cause long-term, permanent damage to relationships. Kyle's relationship with Kathy, the oldest of the three Richards sisters, has certainly been a roller coaster for the past several years - with Kim's issues, business dealings between Kathy's husband Rick and Mauricio and now Kyle's deal with Warner Brothers to produce a TV show based on her childhood all contributing to the mounting tension. Being uninvited to her niece's wedding obviously isn't something that feels great, so Kyle's just ready to get away and escape for a while in Tuscany, wedding or not.
Eileen and Vince are still reeling from the death of Vince's father, actor Dick Van Patten, and take a trip out to Palm Springs to visit his star on the walk of fame there. Once they find his star, Eileen explains in her interview that they've recently been dealt a one-two punch of death in the family - first with her sister Connie losing her sudden battle with breast cancer and now with Vince's father dying. Dickie's passing has been hard on Vinny, but more than anything has made him want to make sure he enjoys his life. Eileen points out that they're both determined to seize the day and be happy to honor Dickie's memory. There's simply no time like the present.
At the same time, the two Lisas meet for lunch in Beverly Hills. After admiring each other's sparkly shoes, Lisa V. asks Rinna how Eileen is doing, and Lisa R. fills her in on the memorial/celebration of life the Vince and Eileen threw with their family and friends. Then, conversation turns to Ken's impending 70th birthday party. Lisa V.'s at a loss for what to get the man who honestly has everything. The answer? She's found a miniature horse for sale in Ohio that's apparently half an inch taller than the smallest pony in the world. Always down for an adventure, Lisa Rinna immediately agrees to fly to Ohio with her to pick the horse up. This is one surprise that's sure to blow Ken's mind.
Meanwhile, Yolanda is at an oral surgery appointment, accompanied by her "health advocate" Daisy. She's having all the mercury-based fillings taken out of her teeth in an effort to combat the high levels of heavy metal found in her blood work. It may seem like a random treatment, but at this point she's willing to take any small step in hopes that it will make a difference. Just as the surgery is about to start, David arrives to hold her hand through the procedure. Halfway through, Yolanda starts worrying that she's choking as her heart starts racing, sending the machines into a panicked chorus of blips and beeps. However, the sensation is simply because her throat has been numbed and the surgeon advises her to stay calm. The rest of the surgery goes well and soon all of the metal has been removed from Yolanda's mouth. David makes an awkward joke asking the surgeon how soon they can have sex, and the scene officially turns uncomfortable. In light of their divorce announcement, every scene between Yolanda and David will look suspicious in retrospect. In her interview, Yolanda confesses that she's willing to do anything at this point to get her life back. As a sedated Yo says goodbye, David leaves the surgery without so much as a wave. Like I said...hindsight.
After a camera- and drama-free week in Nice, San Tropez, Monaco and Portofino, Kyle and her family finally dock their yacht in La Spezia, Italy. They're looking forward to a relaxing time in the Tuscan countryside...and also the shopping in Florence. Of course, Mauricio rented a gorgeous, bright red Ferrari to zoom around Italy in. As they say, when in Rome. At roughly the same time, Ken and Lisa land in Italy as well. On the drive to the villa, Lisa laments missing living in Europe and wonders aloud if they should move back some day, far from the bright lights of reality stardom in Beverly Hills. The best part of Europeans' unique sensibility is their penchant for drinking at lunch and sleeping in the afternoon - something that would certainly work for Lisa. By 3:45 p.m., Kyle and the girls arrive at the villa while Mauricio and Alexia manage to get majorly lost cruising through the countryside in the Ferrari. Mauricio insists there must be multiple ways of getting to the villa while Kyle points out in her interview that apparently if you have a penis, it's impossible to get lost. He and Alexia manage to find the villa at 5 p.m., well after Lisa and Ken's arrival.
Once Mauricio and Portia are in the pool, Kyle and Lisa decide to take the Ferrari for a spin themselves. Kyle used to steal Kim's car when she was 16 and was even driving herself to work at 13. Hold on tight, Vanderpump, here she goes. And...Kyle proceeds to drive the car in first gear. It's been a while since she's driven a stick AND she's in a foreign country driving on the opposite side of the road OK? As a viewer, it's nice to see the OGs back up to their partners-in-crime antics and Kyle admits that with everything going on in her family it feels good to let it all go for a little while on a joyride with her friend. Driving the Ferrari, she's feeling very James Bond-esque, which officially makes Lisa the Pussy Galore to her 007.
Back in Beverly Hills, Lisa Rinna and Eileen pay a visit to an ailing Yolanda. Daisy the health advocate shows them Yo's closet full of medication and it's truly stunning. For Eileen, seeing the hundreds of pills and supplements brings back a flood of memories of her sister Connie, who chose to battle her breast cancer holistically as well. Equally shocking is seeing Yolanda cooped up in bed. The threesome convenes in the living room of the condo, where Yo tells the girls that she's determined to stay put until she gets well. At this point, she doesn't even remember what it was like to be normal - she even had a two-foot-long parasite taken out of her body the week before. What?? Even in the midst of her battle, Yolanda makes a point to ask how Vinny is doing in the wake of his father's death. That's classic, compassionate Yo right there. She tearfully admits to Lisa and Eileen that she's scared but the two attempt to buoy her up by telling her to just have hope. Both ladies are shaken up as they leave, and agree that it was difficult to see Yolanda in that condition. Lisa thinks that Yo's so desperate at the point to find a cure that she's just stabbing in the dark at anything she can find. I don't know about you, but it hurts my heart as a fan to see Yolanda cry.
Before dinner in Tuscany, Kyle and Lisa are also discussing Yolanda's health and the surgery she just had. Lisa is confused, admitting that it's hard to understand what's really going on anymore after so many drastic and complicated treatments. Obviously something is seriously wrong but maybe it's not Lyme disease anymore? Kyle points out that in some cases, your mental state can dictate your physical state - like how she was sick for two years after her mother died. However, to their knowledge Yolanda doesn't have that stressful of a life and hasn't suffered any kind of traumatic loss. (Hmm...remember, hindsight.) Plus, after trying so many cures in such a short amount of time, how can you know which one is really working?
Dinner is served and Kyle, Lisa, Mauricio, Ken and the girls gather around the table for some delicious-looking Italian cuisine. After Tuscany, Lisa and Ken are going to Monte Carlo, but there's been a slight change in plans: Kyle is going to Nicky's wedding in London after all. A surprised Lisa asks what's changed but Kyle doesn't want to talk about it. She spoke with Nicky, emailed with Kathy and decided she doesn't want to miss Nicky walking down the aisle. However, Mauricio, Alexia and Sophia are still on the "not invited" list, while Farrah's a bridesmaid and Portia is a flower girl. This is officially confusing. Sensing the underlying tension, Lisa points out Kim and Kathy's tendency of pulling Kyle's strings, leaving her feeling manipulated and pulled in two different directions. Who do you side with when your husband and daughters are on one side and your sister and her family are on the other? It seems like a lose-lose situation for Kyle to be stuck in. Kyle tries to squash the conversation, but Lisa keeps going - pointing out that Kyle shouldn't be manipulated by either one of her sisters. Plus, if she wants to go to the wedding, Lisa didn't bring a dress. Furthermore, she doesn't understand why Mauricio wasn't invited to the wedding, let alone Alexia and Sophia. (Rumor has it that the familial tension sprung from business dealings between Mauricio and Rick Hilton...) Kyle tries to change subjects yet again by saying all that matters is that she'll be there to see Nicky walk down the aisle, but Lisa points out that her emotional investment should matter as well. For years, Lisa has watched this never-ending cycle of family drama affects Kyle tremendously, and thinks that at some point she needs to detach herself for her own sanity's sake. As Kyle starts getting emotional, Alexia effectively shuts down the conversation, asking that they stop talking about this for the rest of the trip. With that, the chatter finally stops, but the problems between Kyle and her sisters seem far from over...